


matchmaking: a wild party of 4

by toobscocaine



Series: kenma gives great advice [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Kozume Kenma, Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual, Aromantic Asexual Kozume Kenma, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Kozume Kenma, Asexual Character, Asexual Kozume Kenma, Asexuality, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Polyamory, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, genderfluid bokuto koutarou, so fluffy it will make your teeth rot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toobscocaine/pseuds/toobscocaine
Summary: bokuakakurotsuki getting together where kenma is agender and aro ace and is pained to watch them pining over each other so kenma plays matchmaker.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: kenma gives great advice [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775521
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	matchmaking: a wild party of 4

**Author's Note:**

> as always, this is unedited and it’s 3:30 am so prepare for mistakes  
> also making this because i just came out as agender and aro ace so this might be a series for when i seek validation

Kenma was exhausted to say the least. Over the past few days, they’ve either noticed or been told of a group of four’s crushes on each other. Somehow though, none of them could tell, and all thought “what if he doesn’t like me back, he’ll hate me after.”

Kenma found out about Kuroo’s crushes first.

First of all, Kuroo’s face lit up whenever he saw texts from any of the three, Kenma could tell it was them through the specified ringtones. _Kuroo is a weird guy_. Kuroo would blush whenever Bokuto, or Tsukishima got in his vicinity, and got flustered around Akaashi.

Kuroo was out shopping with Kenma, and before they had enough, Kuroo admitted himself.

“Hey K, can you give me some romantic advice?” Kenma’s first though was, _I don’t even do romance or sex so I have no idea why you think I would be the person to ask_ , but of course, they didn’t say that aloud.

“Sure.” The snark was present, but Kuroo didn’t seem to notice.

”I like someone, well three people.” Kuroo was so quiet, that if Kenma gave in to the want of giving zero fucks, they probably wouldn’t have heard him.

”Obviously.” Kenma continued to listen whilst they followed the directions to the video game store.

Kuroo couldn’t take a joke. ”AM I THAT OBVIOUS? OH NO. ALL OF THEM ARE GOING TO THINK I’M WEIRD AND CRAZY AND-“ 

“Be quiet, people are staring. Also, your ability to process sarcasm needs some improvement if you want to date Akaashi and Tsukishima.” Kenma turned left, and they weren’t sure if Kuroo followed. Nonetheless they were getting to that game store, with or without Kuroo. Unfortunately luck was not on Kenma’s side, and princess whiny trailed behind them.

”I can do that?” Kuroo ran up and started to shake Kenma. They removed his had from their shoulder fast, and picked up the walking pace. 

“Have you not heard of polyamory?” Kuroo gave them the dead stare of a 7th grader learning about sex for the first time. “It’s when there are more than two people in the relationship, and they love/like everyone in the relationship.” Kenma turned another corner.

”WOAH. But I don’t know if everyone likes each other...” Kuroo trailed off. 

Fortunately for Kenma, they had arrived at the store.

The next was Tsukishima, whom Kenma had learned about the crushes from Shoyo. How Shoyo had got a hold of such information considering how much Tsukishima hates him and Yamaguchi would never break Tsukishima’s trust was beyond Kenma.

**hinata shoyo**

**21:34**

_guess what_

**kozume kenma**

**21:34**

_what_

**hinata shoyo**

**21:35**

i know who tsukki has a crush on

Kenma sat for moment and pondered why Hinata would text Kenma at 21:30 for this, but then again, it was Hinata, so anything was possible. Plus, it wasn’t like Kenma was not going to be awake at this hour. If it were anyone else, Kenma wouldn’t have answered, but not even they could ignore the literal embodiment of sunshine.

**hinata shoyo**

**21:36**

_kuroo, bokuto, and akaashi_

**kozume kenma**

**21:37**

_funny because kuroo likes tsukishima, bokuto, and akaashi_

**hinata shoyo**

**21:37**

_bokuto and akaashi are practically married_

**kozume kenma**

**21:38**

y _eah but it’s not my problem. the boys can go make googly eyes when they aren’t in my vision_

**hinata shoyo**

**21:38**

_lol_

The next one was Akaashi. Kenma was sitting in a coffee shop with him, and Akaashi had barely talked the whole time, but that was fine with Kenma.

Kuroo and Bokuto had dropped them off here because there was something about a “captains party” with a ton of the team captains. Bokuto and Kuroo wanted Akaashi and Kenma to make friends, and this was enough bonding for Kenma.

”Hey Kenma, can I ask you for romantic advice?” They weren’t sure what it was with these boys and asking the aroace person for romantic advice, but it sure as hell was exhausting. 

“Go ahead.” Kenma was absentmindedly playing candy crush, just to busy their hands. 

“Uh... so as you know I’m dating Kou but I also like two other people I lot. I would love to open up the relationship, but I don’t want to mess things up with Kou.” Akaashi was a lot more straight forward then Kuroo, which made the conversation go much faster.

Kenma took a sip of their coffee. “And who might these people be?” Kenma was very sure they already knew all of them, but hearing it straight from Akaashi’s mouth confirmed it.

”Kuroo. And Tsukishima.” Akaashi was not at all quietly and mumbly when he talked. He was a lot more proud about his statements. Kenma also knew Akaashi knew about polyamory, which was one less explanation for them. 

“Well asking them what they think about Tsukishima and Kuroo would be a good start. If you get positive results, ask them what they think about opening up the relationship.” _Level 7000_ , Kenma really needed a new ‘ _while i’m spacing out_ ’ game. They took another sip of their coffee.

”Thanks.” Akaashi offered a welcoming smile, to which Kenma half smiled, but didn’t make an effort to look over to see Akaashi out of their peripheral vision.

Bokuto was the ruler of “oblivious to the obvious.” She could not be worse at hiding her feelings, whilst also not able to tell at all about the affections being presented towards her. 

This became more obvious when there was a friend excursion to the amusement park. Kenma was fifth wheeling, so they had taken it upon themself to get food and sit in the shade away from the group at lunch. However, they came with a bunch of idiots, so Kenma was followed to their spot under the tree.

Bokuto was presented feminine that day, and the eyes of Akaashi, Tsukishima, and Kuroo did not fail to leave Bokuto.

”Oooh Kenma found a nice spot!” Bokuto squealed excitedly. Kenma and Bokuto ha d become good friends since Kenma was good support for Bokuto when she was struggling with her gender identity. Bokuto also helped Kenma with their clothes, which was nice. Bokuto was the queen of the fashion department, she has styles that are fem, masc, and androgynous, so her knowledge of style was vast. It proved true that day too, because Bokuto had her bangs tied up with ribbons and the rest down, an overall floral dress with a white short sleeve under it, vans, and makeup done so well it always makes people jealous.

”Bokuto I like your look today.” Kenma says the thing the other three have been itching to say all day, and they can almost hear the internal sighing of the rest of the group.

”Thank you! I saw some girls on tiktok do it and I thought it looked cute so I tried it!” The other three visibly winced at the word _cute_ , and Kenma had a hard time holding back their laughter. 

For the rest of lunch, Bokuto had so many looks of adoration at the other three throughout the day. Whenever any of them got near her or touched her, her face was the brightest shade of pink Kenna had ever witnessed, and she started stuttering. 

Though Bokuto has the observance skills of a rock, Tsukishima, Kuroo, and Akaashi, reached chart-topping obliviousness. It was painful for even Kenma to observe, and they enjoyed a show. 

It was 20:31 and 6 seconds, the same night everyone went to the amusement park, at Kenma and Kuroo’s apartment, had they finally enough. Half the dinner was silent because the party of 4 was to nervous to say anything, and Kenma, despite popular belief, hated human interaction. 

The group were all awkwardly spaced out in the living room. The TV was on, with volleyball of course. Kenma was sitting with Bokuto who was showing Kenma her clothing designs that she wanted them to try on. 

Kenma glanced over at the other three. Kuroo pretended to be on his phone, but he was making ‘sneaky’ glances at the other three. Kuroo could never be a secret agent. Tsukishima was so hyper-fixated on the tv it was scary. Akaashi had gotten himself some tea and was making no effort to hide the stares at the others. 

Once Bokuto had finished talking, Kenma stood up. They headed towards the door, and glanced at the group once last time. None of them seemed to notice the disruption, because they were all to wrapped in their own bubbles of angst. Kenma felt like they were living in a BL manga. 

They shut the door, loud enough to catch the attention of the group in the room, and clicked the lock. They sent a text to the four of them individually that read ‘i’ll be back in 3 hours, so figure it out. ps stop asking me for romantic advice.’ Then they grabbed their stuff and headed out to meet Shoyo for a drink.

It was an hour later then Kenma said they would get back, so if the four of them were fucking, Kenma would never talk to them again.

Kenma barged in into the apartment, about ready to commit murder. Shoyo was their child, but it was one exhausting child. Drunk Hinata had a very big rant capacity, but that was a problem for another day.

Kenma kicked off their shows and dropped their keys on the dining room table, and unlocked the living room door.

Fortunately, the group of 4 were not having sex when Kenma walked in, however, both Akaashi and Bokuto lay naked. It’s not liked Kenma hadn’t seen Bokuto naked before, they’ve help her change and put on dresses before. But Kenma didn’t ever need to see Akaashi naked. 

The four of them were fairly tangled together, and Kuroo was hogging the blanket. Everyone except for Tsukishima was asleep, who lay with his headphones on, phone in lap, eyes open, staring into space.

”Hey.” Kenma was careful not to wake up the sleeping characters. They aren’t sure what tired Bokuto and Akaashi are like, but Kuroo without his ‘beauty sleep’ was all hell broken loose. Kenma nodded at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima whipped his head around to look at Kenma. “Hey.” He replied in a whisper tone. “How was the bar?” 

“You could tell?” Kenma snorted a silent laugh.

”You smell strongly of the alcohol that Yamaguchi, Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi always drink at the bar, so you must have been with Hinata.” Tsukishima certainly was terrifyingly observant, at least, for everything but his love life.

”How was the... getting together. And fucking.” Kenma probably audibly gagged at the though of sex, but they couldn’t tell.

Tsukishima laughed. “I think we’re all happier now.” 

“That’s good. Because I don’t want to watch you guys pining over each other anymore it’s painful, and _please_ don’t ask me for romantic advice.” 

“But it was good advice.”

**Author's Note:**

> that’s a wrap, maybe i’ll get around to editing it at some point and also next installment to ‘kenma gives great romance advice’ is going to be about what hinata was ranting about at the bar, spicy.


End file.
